It’s summertime and kids are out of school. That means it’s not uncommon for parents to bring their young children along to dental appointments, often with the kids sitting in the same room during treatment. I genuinely enjoy talking to children, so I don’t mind this at all. In fact, I appreciate the opportunity to observe the interactions between parents and their kids – these moments reveal so much about how children learn and adopt attitudes from the adults around them.
Children absorb lessons from everyone, but no influence is more powerful than that of a parent. Unlike other primates, human children mimic behaviors modeled for them – even when those behaviors are unnecessary or don’t make logical sense. For example, in one study, researchers gave children a box with a simple mechanism to open the lid. When an adult demonstrated an overly complex way to open it (drawing a stick across the top, turning a crank, and then lifting the lid) most of the children copied the entire process. Why? Because children are hardwired to imitate those around them, especially their parents.
Knowing this, we as parents have an incredible opportunity, and responsibility, to be the kind of people we want our children to become. This includes how we talk about and model health behaviors, like oral hygiene.
A Dental Visit That Stuck With Me
Let me share an experience that happened just last week. A father came in for his routine cleaning and brought along his 8-year-old daughter. Here’s a brief summary of his dental history:
- Severe gum inflammation and bleeding
- Several untreated cavities
- Multiple root canals
- Inconsistent toothbrushing habit
- No reported flossing or additional oral care habits
- Comes in every four months for cleanings
- Has three active dental insurance plans
During the visit, the doctor reviewed his treatment plan for the current decay. After she left the room, the father casually told me, “I’m just going to get them root canaled. I like getting root canals so I don’t have to deal with it anymore”. 1 (For context: root canals are not part of his treatment plan.)
As a provider, what concerned me most was how easily this father dismissed both preventive care and the gravity of invasive – and very expensive- procedures, all within earshot of his daughter. He even pays for three dental insurance policies because he expects to max them out. This puts the dentist in an ethically challenging position where the patient pushes for unnecessary treatment.
Now, to be clear, this father is a kind and pleasant man. He takes full responsibility for the state of his oral health and openly admits, “It’s all my fault.” But instead of making meaningful changes, he opts to throw money at the problem. One the other hand, he proudly told me his daughter is “way better about brushing” than he is.
When Actions and Intentions Don’t Match
It’s common for people to say one thing and do another. In psychology, this is known as cognitive dissonance: the mental discomfort of acting in a way that contradicts your beliefs or values. I don’t doubt that this father wants what’s best for his daughter. But it made me reflect – if he genuinely wants her to have “better teeth” than he does, why model the exact opposite?
And then I looked inward. What do my own children think when I obsess over their screen time, limit downloads, and ban certain games – while scrolling and spending too much time on my own devices?
The truth is, what we value, our children learn to value.
A Lesson from My Daughter
My own 8-year-old daughter recently brought home a poem from school. The prompt was for the children to write about the best part of themselves. She chose her teeth – she knows how much I care about dental health because I talk about it constantly. And my son? His nighttime routine now includes five steps, he’s more diligent than most adults!
Of course, my children are just as exposed to today’s media and marketing as anyone else. The advertising budgets for fast food, sports drinks, and candy massively outweigh those promoting wholesome food and habits. But this is exactly why it’s up to parents to counterbalance those influences. We are all micro-influencers in our children’s lives.
Modeling Matters
Research confirms that young children are motivated to brush their teeth in part because they want to please their parents. More importantly, there’s a clear link between a parent’s own oral hygiene habits and how well their children learn to care for their teeth. Parents who understand the importance of good oral hygiene tend to model and teach those behaviors. In contrast, those with poor habits often don’t grasp the value of prevention and tend to downplay the impact of sugar and neglect.
This pattern holds true for older children as well. Teens with parents who prioritize dental care tend to have better oral health knowledge and more consistent habits than those whose parents do not.
Be the Role Model You Want to See
Have you ever felt flattered when someone calls your child “a chip off the old block” or says “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”? Those phrases can carry weight – sometimes good, sometimes bad – but there’s no denying the truth behind them.
Yes, children may pick up our negative behaviors, but they also inherit our best traits. Children of happily married parents are more likely to form strong relationships. Children of highly educated parents are more likely to pursue higher education. Children of health-conscious parents are more likely to value their health.
They notice everything. I remember flushing my mom’s cigarettes down the toilet after she “quit smoking”. She wasn’t fooling anyone! It was me and Nancy Reagan against her, there was nowhere to hide.
Because children are watching, and listening, we must try to embody the values we want them to carry forward. It’s not just about brushing and flossing, it’s about being intentional with our words and actions. Qualities like patience, generosity, avoiding gossip, and self-love are important in my family. Pizza and treats have their place but choosing nourishing foods over constant treats is also important to us. Children won’t learn how to eat wholesomely or even shop for wholesome foods if we don’t show them how it’s done.
Final Thoughts
Every day, parents have countless opportunities to shape their children’s attitudes – about health, relationships, values, and so much more. And I truly believe that you’re already doing a great job. Keep modeling the good. You never know what lessons will stick!
- A root canal is when the nerve and blood vessels are removed from the tooth. This patient knows that once this procedure is done he won’t feel anything anymore and that’s what me meant by not having to deal with it.[↩]